I know, I know, you have heard of the word POSITIVITY a lot from successful people, inspirational speakers, bloggers and especially self-help books…Chances are, you’ve heard of it so much that you have to wonder: “Is that real?” I will not put more any definition or claims about the power of positive lifestyle. You have had enough. And because if you really want to tap into deep thoughts about POSITIVITY, you probably do not need an amateur with bad English writing skill (me) to inspire you but find other famous writers. But keep reading, perhaps my own experience with POSITIVITY could help you more than words.
1 year 8 months ago, I was in the darkest period of my life. I broke up with my ex boyfriend whom I had thought that no one could ever love me more than him (well, I cheated on him badly because I thought that is the only solution for the best). My relationship with my parent was on the edge of disaster. My father’s health was also bad. Our finiancial problems were becoming more terrible days by days. All I could think of back then was commit suicide, run away to somewhere forever or simply: “I am the most miserable woman on Earth”. I truly had no hope, found nothing meaningful in this life anymore.
Ridiculously, people had no idea about those things. My figure, my job, a wealthy boyfriend, the way I spend money, the wide range of my social network, the amount of people who kind-of-admire me on Facebook did make me wearing a perfect mask of a woman who is living wonderful life. It meant I had no right to be sad, to complaint or express my true feeling. I had been living the others’s lives through their imaginations.
So how could I manage to survive from depression? Not books. Not at all since I had no mood to read. Not my bestfriends as well. Because I even did not attempt to tell them that I was suffering. It was me, myself, the only person, the miserable one who had no hope in life did raise me up. But why? How so? Remember this quote from Bob Marley: “You don’t know how strong you are until being strong is only choice you have”. I just exposed myself to the deepest pain and sorrow and then I realized that they had no power on me anymore. It was like you had nothing to lose anymore, nothing could be worse because you were having the worst. After that, I tried to focus on the final exam. Back then, I was on the final year of my Bachelor of Business Administration. Well, ‘focus’ here was not that much because I am type of people who are always sick of theories and school. Few days after exams, I suddenly realized that I need to go, anywhere but not staying in Viet Nam. Then I bought 2 way ticket (duration is 1 month) to take a rest in Germany for the third time (again). But I haven’t come back since then. Why? Now is the most interesting part.
I felt like nothing ever happened once I put my first step to Munich international airport. I felt it home. I felt freedom. It was like I just discovered The Fountain of Positivity. Having said that the best moments of life often happen unplanned, that is the feeling I have had. Looking back is really interesting. Only 10 days before, I was still stuck in tears and sadness but at that moment, but that moment in Munich airport, I felt like I was the strongest person on Earth. 1 month passed by too fast, I canceled the return ticket to continue staying in Germany. I just didn’t want to come back (although my exboyfriend did text me emotionally for a way back into love). And many mircales started happening since then – January of 2014.
For more than 1 year, I have learned many new intersting things: spiritual sience, metaphysics, mediation. My perspective totally changes. Now I am one of the most positive person that I have known. I had amazing trips around Germany, then Turkey, Sweeden…I met new friends, new people (though most of them I do not consider as something important but it works for my mental strength somehow, kind of self-confident boost).
Comparing my life now to 1 year 8 months ago, what do I have? I have been promoted, have new jobs. I do not earn more but I learn more and that matters. I have a great boyfriend who totally compatible with me nearly 100% and surely he loves me and supports me more than my ex (plus, we are waiting our first child together – which I had never ever imagined could happen before 27). I go to the gym, do heavy lifting and find out that it is one of the best decisions I have ever made (and in this case you need to know that before, I even could not run for 5 minutes).
Believe me, once you let positive thoughts tap into your mind, even just a little, you will find the differences. Positive thoughts here are not the things you read from self-help books, something life “life is wonderful”, “be positive” v.v.v etc. Positivity here means you should learn more about your inner self and never stop reminding yourself that you are the only person who can brings you joy. You must find peace and happiness inside your mind first. Only then could you feel happy and peaceful around people you love. Do not ever underestimate human being’s mind. It is really strong.
We all have problems. And when we are in depression, we often assume ourselves as the most desperate one. That is not true. It is all about your mind, your perspective define who you are, how your life be. Let me use this quote instead of a conclusion:
And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.
P/S: The quote is written by my favorite novelist Haruki Murakami in one of his masterpieces: “Kafka on the shore”